Jaryd Clifford looks back now and questions his sanity when, not for the first time in his athletic career, ambition overrode the counsel of friends, family and his own brain.
The Australian Paralympian, who will compete in the 1500m T13 and 5000m T13 in Paris, was readying himself to run in the World Championships in Paris a year ago when what initially felt like a niggle became a major concern.
A fortnight out from the event, growing pain in his leg forced Clifford to seek medical advice and the diagnosis he received was as sobering as a slap in the face.
A scan showed a significant crack in his femur. It was, he believes, a result of the overtraining he embarked on after falling marginally short of achieving his golden dreams in the Tokyo Paralympics.
The bid to make up for that disappointment now threatened to dovetail into another for a runner who made his Australian Paralympic debut while still a school student in the 2016 Rio games.
Clifford weighed up the risks. One false step and SNAP. Any proper break could prove career ending.
As his guide Tim Logan said in an interview with the Victorian Institute of Sport, where the pair train, “case studies of similar injuries tossed up horrible outcomes – legs snapping through”.
But he had been training with the crack without realising it and, with his parents booked to watch him race after the lockout in Tokyo, he decided to roll the dice.
“It was the fittest I’ve ever been, so it’s pretty disappointing, two weeks out, to kind of wake up one day with a pretty sore leg,” he said.
“You kind of get to know the different types of pain and I knew pretty quickly there was probably a stress fracture and I’d probably run on it for a week without really realising it. We flew to Europe and I got a scan in France and it showed a pretty significant crack, so we had some pretty intense discussions in the lead up to that race.
“Obviously if you snap your femur, it could be a career ending injury. I know I could have pulled out and (my parents) would have been fine, but I was confident (that with) two weeks of rest that I could still run which, to be honest now, sounds really crazy.”
Few would argue with that assessment. But you know what is crazier?
Despite the fracture in his femur, and having stayed off his feet for the best part of a fortnight, Clifford went out and still managed a podium finish.
“I look back on it and I’m running a World Championship on one leg. It is probably not the wisest thing I’ve ever done,” he said.
“But I came away with a silver and I was pretty disappointed afterwards because I actually think I didn’t win because I made a bad move, not because of the injury.
“But it gives me a lot of confidence. If I can get silver with a crack in my leg, what can I do now? We just want to stand on the start line in Paris in one piece.”
Clifford paid heed of the lesson and, rather than running in the marathon in Paris as he did in Tokyo three years ago, has shed the longer race in a bid to look after his body. He begins his campaign in France tonight.
VIEWING LIFE ON THE PERIPHERY
Clifford was born with a condition named Juvenile Macular Degeneration which, he says, is effectively the opposite of tunnel vision.
While he has reasonable peripheral vision, he is unable to perceive what is going on directly in front of him, which is tricky enough in everyday life, let alone when running.
“There are subtle things like getting about in day to day life affects me more than other people, because I have to fight very hard to see things that people would see without even thinking,” he said.
“Even running on gravel that appears flat, I guess if people go out and run around Albert Park Lake or The Tan at night-time, they’ll realise that they have a lot more false steps than if they were running in the daytime. So it’s kind of like that for me in a way.”
Talking about crazy, take a look at Clifford when he is running in Paris and you will find him pacing in tandem with another Aussie with their wrists tethered together by a 30cm string.
Tim Logan, who assists his mate alongside another guide in Matt Clarke, is a talented runner in his own right. But when he takes to the track in Paris, it will be to guide the Australian medal hopeful around the track and follow his every move.
The pair have been mates for years. As an apprentice electrician, he would train himself at 4.30am and then pick Clifford up after work to head out for another session.
They now share a house with friends in East Brunswick and prior to the Olympics took the chance to head to Wimbledon and to Lords, among other events, while training for Paris. About the only thing Clifford dislikes about his guide is that he barracks for Essendon.
“We’ve calculated before … that we have run about 40,000km together … over about a decade. We basically run all the time together,” he said.
“He lives with me now and he does stuff for me that makes my life easier, and it is not just running. I can’t drive, so he drives me places. And no-one ever had to ask him to do that.
“It means I can train better and perform better, because he eliminates that visual fatigue element, which can get quite debilitating. It’s a lot of practice.
“Just crossing a road with him, I’ve got to trust him with my life. So it’s … ten years of him proving himself over and over again.”
A misstep or mix-up in communication could prove the difference between a gold medal and missing the podium and Clifford weighed up whether to chance it alone or with a guide.
“I have to feel comfortable doing it because when I run with a guide, I switch off the need to … see,” he said.
“So normally if I’m running solo, I’ll fight really hard (to understand) what is happening and probably lose energy trying to see every bit of track that is in front of me. Whereas if I use a guide, I switch that off and focus solely on running, so for me, it’s ideal.
“But to truly switch off, I need to trust the people that I’m running with and it’s taken a lot of time and it’s taking the right people, but I guess you’ve got to embrace being vulnerable.
“There’s a lot of trust, but it is a pretty powerful thing when we get it right, but it takes a lot of practice to get it right.”
THE TRACK PROVES A SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS
Clifford was at St Helena Secondary College in Eltham back in 2016 when he was alerted not too far out from the Rio Paralympics that he would be travelling to Brazil.
“My debut experience is pretty insane. It was pretty last minute and I remember walking into the Principal’s office at school and saying, ‘I’ve just been selected for the Games’,” he said.
“He put an announcement over the speaker and … it was just a whirlwind of really cool moments. I remember standing on the track in Rio and there were two Brazilians in my race and as we were standing on our marks, I couldn’t put any weight through my front leg because I was shaking so much. I was so nervous and the crowd was so loud.
“I had never experienced something like that before and to be honest, because of Covid, I’ve actually never run in front of a crowd like that since. So people will say I’m one of the most experienced athletes on the team – this is my third Paralympic Games – but I haven’t actually had to perform in such an atmosphere with tens of 1000s of people present.”
His career since finishing seventh in both the 1500m and 5000m T13 events has had some magnificent highs and also some testing lows that made him ponder his future in the sport.
At the Para Athletics World Championships in Dubai in 2019, he set a world record when a gold medallist in the two disciplines.
A couple of years later he set a world record in the marathon for his class when running a time of 2:19.08, which boosted his confidence leading into Tokyo.
He ran especially bravely in Tokyo, as his mate Logan noted.
“The silver he won in the Tokyo marathon has special significance, I think. He finished almost covered in vomit,” he said.
“Some people thought he shouldn’t do the marathon because it would compromise his performances in the 5000m and the 1500m. I didn’t understand it. He was always going to give his all in every event.
“A marathon is a big achievement and to win silver in a Paralympic marathon, a lot of people would kill for that.”
Clifford finished on the podium in all three events, but the gold eluded him. And he was devastated.
His pinned Tweet dates back to September 5, 2021, and reads; “We couldn’t tick the box in Tokyo, but I’ll give it everything to do it at Paris 2024.”
“I went into Tokyo as probably the favourite in three events and won zero and I think that was a lot of pressure. I went in quite tense,” he said.
“A lot of changes happened very quickly (due to the pandemic) and I probably really just wanted the Games to be over and for life to be simple again.
“Now I actually have experienced not winning and the fact that I’m still here proves it is not the end of the world. I think running with that lesson and that new mentality is actually a blessing in disguise, really.
“I think I’ll probably be standing on the spotlight in Paris much better prepared because I lost in Tokyo because I know that isn’t there then.”
A LEGEND TO LEARN FROM
Clifford, who graduated from the University of Melbourne last year with a Bachelor of Arts, has the “pretty cool” responsibility of being a captain of the Australian team.
He looked up to legends of the Paralympic movement in Australia and is extremely proud to have the responsibility that has been entrusted in him at the age of 24.
“It feels like only yesterday my hero Kurt Fearnley was the captain of the team. That is pretty cool,” he said.
“Kurt is someone that I looked up to because of the way he carried himself in the sporting arena. He always wore his heart on his sleeve – the grit and determination – and had all the qualities I like to think I portray when I run a race and I probably do that because of the example he set.
“He won gold medals with flat tyres and did some crazy things in his time. For me to go and do something along the same lines, I know it is possible because I have seen Kurt do it.
“To empty myself, to absolutely bury myself, it is not a pioneering move. It is what is expected of us and our team, because the people who came before us did it. And Kurt was one of those.”
Clifford is more relaxed ahead of his third Paralympics. His drive, though, has not changed.
He will “absolutely bury” himself in a bid to do Australia proud over the next week in Paris. But what his mates know is that regardless of whether he wins gold, Clifford has already done that and far more.
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